Don’t be a pleaser.

Pregnant ladies and new mums. Listen up - this is important.
Don't be a pleaser.
Even if you have been your entire life. Don't be now.
Please, place yourself, your baby and your birth partner first.
But mainly just yourself.

This is important. For your mental health and for your physical health.

Some examples?

A lovely client of mine was giving birth on Christmas Day in hospital. About mid-way through her labour her wonderful midwife, who they both liked very much, walked in to show them that she had dressed up as a Christmas Tree. Flashing boppers on her head, tinsel round her neck and she was singing "You're going to have a Chriiiiiiistmas Baaaaby".

Now, my client was labouring fully and intensely. Quite wisely she turned to her husband and said "Get. Her. Out. Of. Here." She was not polite, or kind...she did not come up and out of her labouring, mammal-driven mind to say "Oh yes...how nice....lucky me....Nice boppers" - She just continued with her labour.

What would that interruption have caused her? A longer labour? A moment of distraction? She had no need at all to be polite and make small-talk, she was busy giving birth to her first child.

They really did love that midwife and she sounded wonderful...apart from the decorations part!

Another lady I once spoke to in clinic talked about arriving home from hospital with her newborn baby. About 30 minutes after she sat down her entire family arrived. As did her partner's.

They stayed the entire day.
They passed the baby around, crooning over it and kissing it.
The mother? She stood in the kitchen mostly, making tea and coffee and sandwiches and cake for her guests. She just felt that she had to.
Hours later, when they left she sat down with her now fractious baby and cried. The homecoming moment for her had been taken from her. She was exhausted and her baby now smelt strongly of her mother-in-law's perfume.
Don't let your relations ride rough-shod over your recovery and bonding time. Hold them off, they can come later. You are not there to entertain or amuse others.

Birth is your time. Having a new baby is equal parts wonderful & complicated.
So don't be a pleaser.
Please.